Parent’s Guide to Building Mental Toughness in Young Athletes
One of the most common things I hear from parents is, “I want my kid to be mentally tough.” It’s a valid and understandable desire. Every parent wants to see their child succeed in sports and life, and mental toughness is an essential part of that journey. What many don’t realize, though, is just how big of a role they play in helping their child build that skill.
In this post, we’ll break down what mental toughness really means and share practical, everyday strategies you can use to support your child’s development.
What is Mental Toughness?
There are numerous definitions of mental toughness; however, most professionals in the sporty psychology realm would state that mental toughness involves the ability to overcome challenges, adversity, pressure, and setbacks effectively. Unfortunately, there are still many coaches, athletes, parents, and others that view mental toughness as simply “pushing through” and ignoring emotional and cognitive struggles. As a result, athletes often deal with difficult situations, emotions, and thoughts with ineffective and inappropriate responses. For example, a young basketball player may miss several shots in a row, try to “push through” without processing the frustration, and end up having an emotional outburst that results in a technical foul.
To me, real mental toughness is understanding difficult situations, thoughts, and emotions, and choosing to respond intentionally and effectively. For instance, if that same player recognized their frustration and acknowledged its impact, they could reset mentally, and continue competing with focus.
Why Parents Matter in Building Mental Toughness
You may not be on the court with your kid, but your influence is powerful. The way you respond to your child’s wins, losses, mistakes, slumps, etc. shapes not only how they respond, but how they view themselves. Additionally, how you handle wins, losses, mistakes, and challenges in your own life can influence how they learn to handle adversity in theirs. Children often mirror the emotional responses and coping strategies they see in their parents.
5 Ways to Enhance Your Child’s Mental Toughness
Build and enhance the skill of Mental Toughness Yourself (see “How to Build Mental Toughness (the right way)”)- According to the social learning theory, children learn behaviors, emotional responses, and attitudes by observing and imitating others. Thus, when you model the ability to stay composed under pressure, reflect after mistakes, and bounce back from setbacks, your child is more likely to adopt those same skills.
Promote a Growth Mindset- Help your child understand that abilities can be developed through work, feedback, and persistence. When they believe that setbacks, mistakes, and challenges are part of the journey, they’re more likely to persevere, take on challenges, and bounce back from setbacks.
Be a Safe Place- Don’t criticize, yell, or place blame on kids for making mistakes, losing, or not getting certain stats. When athletes are taught that results are the main measure of their performance, they’re more likely to develop thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that weaken their mental toughness when facing challenges.
Reinforce Resilience- Notice and acknowledge when your child keeps focus, effort, and intensity after mistakes (ex: missed shots or turnovers). When you praise resilient behaviors, they are more likely to exhibit the behaviors in the future. As a result, they will build the skill of mental toughness.
Reflect on Situations to Improve- Not in regard to performance. Instead, reflect on the “triggers” of the game. Specifically, help your child identify specific moments that led to a loss of focus, effort, or intensity. Since it can be hard for young athletes to spot these on their own, your guidance can be helpful. By recognizing these triggers together, they can identify more effective, appropriate responses for the next time these “triggers” emerge.
Overall, mental toughness is not something children are simply born with. It is a skill that can be developed over time. As a parent, you are with them every day, so you play a crucial role in helping them develop this skill. If you want personalized guidance or support in helping your child build mental toughness, feel free to reach out. I’m here to help.
